what gives?

I have done so many things in my life that I believe are successful so why these issues with my weight? Why does exersize not do it for me now like it did before. I grew up an athlete, played soccer for 10 years, during those years I played softball, volleyball and basketball too. After highschool I did continue to keep physically active right up until I had my first baby. Litterally, my neighbors thought I'd be giving birth in the swimming pool or at the park on the walk-track. After I had her I had the hardest time picking myself back up. I gained nearly 60 lbs in that pregnancy even with my regular exersize. I dropped 30 quickly but the other 30 just hung around. My physical activity took on a new meaning, it wasn't out in the sun and playing around like before, it was now crawling after a baby and napping when she did. It was all about getting through the day with feedings, diaper changings and keeping up with laundry and the house. That took such a toll on me just getting through the day and why? Why do so many mommies bounce back like it's nothing. They just poop out a giant basketball and slim right down and go run marathons with that baby on their backs. Why couldn't I do that? Why did my body decide that was too much and just peter out? Maybe I wasn't meant to have babies? How could I live without the precious ones I have in my life right now? Is this the cost of that for me?

My mother told me right after this first baby was born to put my skinny jeans back on even if they didnt fit they would soon. So SQUEEZE right in! I thought she was crazy so I didn't. I put on my sweats and preferred the comfort of non-restriction.

Well now, 4 pregnancies and only one more child later here I sit nearly double my preferred weight. Not quite double, but almost, might as well be right? Why is this? Why isn't chasing babies and doing housework enough to keep me in the right place?

I've joined a gym about 4 years ago and have worked out regularly, more days than not. So what gives? I have joined local programs like Boot Camp, and Biggest Loser at Home. I get so excited when I start and I do get good results for the time that I'm doing it but why does it all come back? I keep thinking I'm eating proper (well except for those trips to Starbucks and each holiday when the chocolate kisses appear in my house...who can have just one at a time?)

I'm thinking my addictions have more control over me than I thought. My body and mind are a slave to them and until I get out from under them I'm always going to feel like I'm in a constant battle. What are my addictions? hmm lets see, I'd boil it all down to processed carbs, sugar is my ultimate foe. I can probably work my a** off but it wont really matter til I take care of what really matters. My mind and my soul, set them free and kick the addictions to the curb.